just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
