I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
