I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
