she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
