i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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