How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Floor bacon is actually really good
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
