fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
