I look better un-naked...
my shit smells like andre
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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