This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
