So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
