I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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