I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
