she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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