Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
