I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
