well I can't set my house on fire every night
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
