your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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