if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
