Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
