jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
