he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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