Define "chronic" masturbator.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
