Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
