I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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