I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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