I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
