first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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