You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
