when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you had me at cake vodka
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
