I feel like abortions should bother me more
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
