I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
