she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize