please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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