I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
