Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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