Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
