Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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