Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
