JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
