i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So squirting runs in the family.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
