I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
