From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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