ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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