Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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