best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Are we still banned from the library?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
