Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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