look no pants
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
