I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
