had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
