I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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