her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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