We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My vagina is officially offended.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
