Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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