okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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