Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
