he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
