P.S. I can't hear my feet
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I deserve this hangover.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
