Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
