it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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