Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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