there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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