honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize