I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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