just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
