I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
