My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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